In her book "The Underground Girls of Kabul" Jenny Nordberg
was able, in a mere 311 pages to educate me, inspire me and force me to reflect
on the big and the small things that I take for granted far too often as a
woman living in the West.
The iron fist of the Taliban no longer rules Afghanistan but
many of the laws implemented during their rule regarding women are still
followed. For many women, leaving home without their husband or a male relative is
still forbidden and when they are able to go out they are required to wear a
burka so that they remain unseen. Marriages continue to be
forced, rape victims are punished harshly for “adultery” and many of these
victims are forced to marry their rapists to avoid prison time for their
crimes. Domestic violence is a common
occurrence and is always the fault of the victim, honor killings are also
common and females are still used by their fathers as a way to pay off debt. Even in the more progressive regions women
are subjected to domestic violence, and forced marriage and while they are able
to drive and move about in the community they must be covered at all times to
hid the shape of their bodies and must not behave in any way that might be seen
as flirtatious toward men. Women are
seated in separate areas in restaurants, they celebrate weddings in separate
rooms and while they are allowed to drive it is usually safer for them not to
as many times angry men will attempt to run them off the road. All girls, even those who are lucky enough
to receive an education are raised with the main goal of marriage and
motherhood and if they are lucky their husbands will be kind.
It is in an Afghan woman’s best interest to follow the
rules, be a good wife and bear sons for her husband. Even in this day and age, it is still
believed that the woman is responsible for the sex of her children both
biologically and by choice. A woman who
does not produce sons is seen as defective and it brings great shame to the
family and invokes the anger of her husband whose violence is more than
justified in the eyes of family and community since a man with no sons is one
of the most shameful things to be in a patriarchal country where the male
lineage is of utmost importance.
While in Afghanistan doing research for a television documentary she was working on regarding Afgan women, the author met to interview a woman who serves as an
elected member of Parliament. Azita is a
married mother of 4 children, and because her father (who was once a University
Professor in Kabul) understands the importance and power of an education Azita is
well educated and fluent in several languages.
In 1992 her family was forced to moved from Kabul to their family
village to escape the worst of the war.
The rules of the Taliban then imprisoned her and other women indoors,
only able to be outdoors with a male family member as an escort, and only if
wearing a heavy burqa.
In spite of her education, and her many talents she is a
woman. Merely a woman. Her father gave her the gift of education,
but followed that gift with a forced marriage to her uneducated cousin. When women marry in Afghanistan they become
the property of their husband and their husbands family and she was no
different. She went from an elite family
and a comfortable home to the role of the second wife in hut in a remote
village. The very same education that
had opened her mind caused her to question situations occurring in the home and earned her the physical abuse of
both her husband and her mother in law.
Her father insists
that his decision was made for her safety during civil war as being an unmarried
women was a great danger. He also acknowledges
that her marriage was a means to solidify the reputation of the family and the
feelings and desires of individual family members are not important at all in
the larger picture. The most important
thing is the family as a whole and while he imagines a day could come in the
very distant future where individuals can strive for their own personal
happiness now is not that day. His
honest feeling is that while yes, her marriage was forced and yes, her husband
is uneducated he did what was best for
the family and Azita should be grateful that her husband allows her to work as
she has more freedom than many women in Afghanistan. He admits he is aware of the abuse his
daughter has suffered and will likely continue to suffer but justifies this as
a societal norm, he is not happy that it happens to his daughter but feels it
should be understood that it happens to so many women in Afghanistan including
those in better positions in society than Azita. It is simply the way it is and it is not
possible to change society.
It was during the author’s initial meeting with Azita in the
home she shares with her husband and children, that the author learned the
family’s youngest child, a 6-year-old rambunctious boy named Mehran is in fact,
a daughter.
This revelation opened the door to many other questions and
then to a very common yet very well hidden practice. Many families have daughters that they
present as sons and not only is it relatively common, it has been happening for
many generations. When asked about
this phenomenon, government officials, members of the United Nations and
experts from other organizations who are all very concerned about the plight of
women in Afghanistan declared it was unheard of and likely a rare incident. All the experts agreed that if
such a thing actually did happen it would be well known and since segregation of
the sexes in Afghanistan is so strictly followed that the very idea of this is
odd but also this practice would be incredibly unsafe for the girl and family in
question. Often, even experts have much
to learn.
The practice of dressing girls as boys in Afghanistan is not
new, in fact it has occurred for so long and is so common that there is a term
for these girls, bacha posh “dressed as a boy.”
Many families do this because they believe that there is
magic in it, an unwanted girl baby dressed and passed off as a boy is a
sign to God that the family greatly desires a boy and it is believed that by
doing this, future children will be sons.
It also serves to provide a sense of honor for families who have been shamed
by only having daughters, for these families, it is a matter of protecting
their reputation and maintaining their standing in the community and for
families without naturally born sons, these girls provide much needed labor .
These girls are not only dressed as boys, but they are
treated as such. They are not made to do
female chores in the home and they are able to leave the house freely and act as
escorts for their mothers and sisters. While
their sisters and neighboring girls watch from the windows, the bacha posh run, ride bikes, climb trees
and play happily enjoying the small freedoms of childhood taken for granted
elsewhere in the world.
When these girls reach puberty and are of age to be married
they are “switched back” into girls and are expected to marry, bear children
and move on as though the days of freedom they had been allowed to experience
never happened.
As is to be expected, the consequences and ramifications of
this practice are many. There are some
girls who refuse to go quietly in the darkness of womanhood as expected and
they are often dragged kicking and screaming there while others go along
quietly and meet the same fate. There
are of course rare instances of these women being married to men who are better
educated and more open minded than most who understand the difficulties their
wives face and do the best they can to help them along but even those men
understand the fundamental role of the woman is to care for the family and to
produce sons.
I am haunted by the stories of these girls and women in the
book. I have told so many people about the book and that has led to some deep
and reflective conversations about this practice, the role of women in the
world and how far we have still to go.
It is unacceptable that we live in a world where women need to be disguised
as men to be allowed to feel the sun on their face.
I not only highly recommend this book, I really do think it should be required reading. You can get your copy
here. I am really interested to hear what you think!
